Sunday, June 15, 2014

I Was an Only Child {But I Had an Amazing Big Brother}

Good Morning, Friends and Family!
As I have mentioned before,
I survived the first week of Little Scribblers Summer Camp 2014.
And actually, I think it's safe to call it a successful week! :)
As I stated in this previous post,
our curriculum theme for the week was:
My Family & Me.

By the end of the week, all the talk about family and particularly siblings,
had really got me thinking about my lack thereof.
I do have Melissa, my older half-sister,

but we aren't and probably never will be as close as I would like us to be
(for various reasons for which we are both to blame).
That fact along with the fact that Melissa never lived with me
allows me to truly consider myself as an only child.

I always hated being an only child. 
I also strong disliked not having a dog,
but that's a story for another time.
I will say this however,
lately, my cousin, McKenzie, has been "shopping" for dogs for me...
I'm not sure when she thinks I'm going to be able to be a Puppy Mama,
but she's preparing for the event regardless.
Look at this little guy she picked out...
He is pretty cute! :)

But anyway, I digress...
Siblings...the teammates I never had.
In my mind that is one of the worst fates you can put on a child: 
to make them grow up alone without a sibling or an in-house playmate. 
As I already mentioned, I do have an older sister 
 -- and three cousins that I refer to as my little sisters --
but none of them actually lived with me. 
I would be lying to say that I never noticed a void in my life 
that should have been filled with siblings. 

I never had anyone on my side when Mom and I would argue...
like a sibling.
I never had anyone to blame things on...
like a kid sister.
I never had a shoulder to cry on...
like a big brother.
I was always...alone.
And I didn't like it.

If and when I have children, 
I plan to make sure that they have siblings 
to play with, fight with, team up with, 
argue over bathroom time with, support, love, hate, etc. 
Even if this means I have to adopt a child 
in addition to giving birth to one, 
if it is within my power, I simply will not allow my child to grow up as I did.

That's not to say that being an only child was all bad.
There were some perks:
I was the favorite and there was no one to argue that.
Most of the time, I had Mom's full attention.
And I definitely appreciated the solitude I had as an only child!
But now, as an adult,
I really miss the camaraderie that comes with having adult siblings in your life. 

I've read numerous books (both fictitious and otherwise) on this subject.
Yes, there are cons to having siblings,
but personally, I think the pros outweigh the cons.
Maybe I'm just totally clueless,
but I do think my life would've been significantly different
had I had at least one sibling growing up in the house with me.

Sisters would have been fun,
and I have no doubt that I would adore them as much as (if not more than)
the three GORGEOUS Girls I call my Little Sisters!

But I've always dreamed of having a big brother!
In my mind, a big brother equals a protector.
I guess in a way, I've never really felt protected.
I've felt smothered and overly-sheltered,
but not protected...and there is a difference.
Furthermore, a big brother is someone finds you 
completely annoying while you're growing up
and then turns around and completely adores you later in life.
He's your biggest supporter,
your most compassionate listener,
your most adoring fan,
and the absolute worst nightmare of anyone who dares to hurt you.
(Yes, I know I view the world through rose-colored glasses
and can be nauseatingly nostalgic...
get over it...this is me.)

In a way, I actually did have a big brother.
I think God provided him without me even having to ask 
because He knew I needed him
(yes, I think God does things like that).
No, he wasn't related to me by blood...
in fact he wasn't related to me at all.
He was...just there.
(Listen to me talking about him like he's dead...
HE'S NOT! He's just not a very big part of my life anymore.)
My Big Brother was a listening ear 
and a comforting presence when I needed one most.
He was encouraging and supportive.
He was a teacher and an instructor in righteousness
even when I didn't want him to be.
He was also a giant pain at times.
But that's just how brothers are, isn't it?
And I adored him...and the ground he walked on.

But because he wasn't related to me by blood,
I knew we couldn't be close forever.
Times change, people change, and lives change.
Ours did and I don't regret the change.
But I would be lying if I said I didn't still miss him at times.
Geographically, he's as close as he's ever been.
But emotionally, we are practically worlds apart...
and rightly so.

I really don't know how to end this post.
I have no desire to make anyone feel sorry for me
after reading this post.
I simply wanted to share what was in my heart
after a week of discussing family with my little darlings.
But, honestly, this is kind of how I live my life...
with a foot in each world so to speak.
My life isn't always a bowl of cherries,
sometimes its choking on the pits.
It is a Roller-Coaster Life
and I try to go with it as best as I can.

With that being said,
 I really do appreciate you stopping by today.
I would love for you to visit again soon!
I would also love to hear your stories of your family.
Do you have many siblings?
Did they drive you crazy growing up?
Do you count your family members as blessings or burdens or a little of both?
I would be excited to hear it all! :)

P.S. Just in case you ever get to read this, Big Bro,
I'm still trying to leave my mark on the world
like old Al did :).
I will do my best to not let you or him down.